Been There Done That

Having been dealing with hospital(s) for too many times surely has made me an expert. Thinking about it again, I might be able to write a book about it. How does "Surviving Patient" sound to you? Or "Being Hospitalized and Actually Love It"?


Having been hospitalized for so many times (and trying to be proud about it), I know the hospital drill so well that I start to think about applying for the job at the hospital.
Here are some tips to survive the hospital drill:
1. Speak up, if your infus injection feels more hurt than the bite of a black ant. Trust me, if the nurse injects it right, you wouldn't suffer. If you don't speak up, you'll risk your hand! If it hurts like hell, then it means they have messed up with your hand.


2. If you are not lucky enough to reside in VIP room, make sure you ask for the bed next to the window. You may have to share the room with other patients, but you can have the view all for yourself.
If it is possible, ask for the room in which the patients are all the same age as yours. Why? The reason is not only about the Generation Gap. Research (mine) shows that older patients (like above 50) receive more visitors than the doctor prescribes. You wouldn't feel happy to be alone in the hospital while your neighbors have a bunch of visitors every 5 minutes. You wouldn't be able to sleep either.


3. Related to no#3, if possible bring a big sign written DO NOT DISTURB and attach it to your bed. Hopefully you can get rid of unwanted eyes coming from your neighbor's visitors. Only God knows why they are so curious about other people in other beds.

4. If you are not into 'sharing', put a label on your bath equipment (soap, toothpaste, toothbrush, etc.). That way other tenant would understand that those items are not provided by the hospital and so are not for public use. My last experience cost me a bottle of soap.

5. Hospital food is never made to satisfy individual's taste. If you don't like it, keep quiet. There will be no use of prostesting the taste of the food. My neighbor did it. The next day she had to have her breakfast at 11 AM.

6. If you have to allow the nurse to bath you in bed, always tell the nurse that you take a bath sometime after 7 o'clock. Having a bath at 5:30 in the morning while being sick is against Human Rights!

7. Take a note on the drugs given to you and the frequency the drugs have to be given to you. Yes, the nurses are supposedly professionals, but they are also human. Papap had to endure his headache longer than necessary because the nurses forgot and skipped one serving.

8. Turn your cellphone to Silent Mode. I had nightmares because my neighbor's phone always rang at 1 AM. The ring tone was the sound of a laughing baby. There is nothing cute about the laugh of a baby if you hear it in the middle of the night.

9. Bring earplug. It always comes in handy. Especially during Visitors Time, and you have no one visiting you.

10. If in any case, you need to undergo a surgery, remember this:
a. Long before the surgery, ask the doctor about your surgery clothing. Do you need to take the whole clothes off? Or not. If you have to have your tooth removed, you don't need to undress. Believe me. And do not assume. If you assume, they'll take all your clothes off.
b. IF there's no way to keep your clothes on (even part of them), tell the nurses you don't want them to leave you cold naked on a cold surgery bed more than 30 seconds. Tell them to remove your clothes, or blanket, or whatever, only seconds before the surgeon says "Let's roll on".
c. If possible, ask for nurses with the same gender as yours. It doesn't hurt to ask. It hurts if you don't.
d. Do not look at the nurses' face, either female, or -especially- male. Do Not try to memorize their faces. You don't want to bump into them again one day and be reminded that they have seen you without clothes.
e. If you don't feel like chitchatting during the surgery, ask them to make you sleep for the whole process. But, if you feel perky about being operated, then you can stay awake and enjoy the ride.

All and all, I must say I wish you never have to apply any of those above.

Oh, one more thing: if you are told to use a catheter, vote against it! Trust me on this!