Sunday, November 15, 2009 by Mariskova
He said he had browsed my name without success. He had tried so many different combinations yet he had no luck finding my name. Of course. He didn't know my husband's name, that's why.
He asked me why I used my husband's name because he always assumed I was that kind of woman who belonged to a feminist group and refused to use the husband's name. I saved him from details and saved myself the energy and time for explaining that I didn't belong to a feminist group (or any group) because I hardly had time to kopdar and I didn't really like to use my husband's name because of the inconveniences of changing a lot of documents.
Anyway, he did asked again why I used my husband's name for my facebook's name and why I didn't have people from the office to be in my friends' list.
I got in touch with facebook when I was in Japan a few years back. The people who introduced me to facebook were my husband's friends who never knew my real name. Hikari and I were called by Papap's name all the time. Hardian san, Hardian san! Imagine if the three of us were present at one occassion!
Second question, my friend asked, why I didn't invite my friends from the office?!
I wanted to say it was none of his business but he was kind of a nice person so I held back the words. But eventually I did say that I saw no reason to add people I meet everyday into my facebook. Isn't that why facebook was created? To connect long-lost friends or far-away acquintances?
Anyway, again, I eventually did add some colleageus in my facebook. I also accept invitations even from those I never really talk to at the office.
As soon as my facebook's name went public, more and more friends add me. A long-lost friend from school asked me to participate in our class reunion. When the date was agreed among my school friends, I realized I couldn't make it. My friend persuaded me. She tried hard to make me come. She even said, "Don't you miss us?"
I was about to answer, "Do you really want to know the answer?"
Other than those moments, everything in my facebook life seemed fine. I talked to people, shared status, observed their life, saw their photos, etcetera. My very-big boss even invited me to be his petsociety friend. Everything was fine. Was. Until a year ago.
I found out I was removed from my friend's list. She had a disagreement with me in the office and then removed me -of course without me knowing it until gossips spread. Before removing me, this person badmouthed the office in her status and notes. All of these I never even once responded because I thought it was inappropriate to say things about our own office in front of strangers. Then she faded away from my facebook world and thankfully from my life.
Then life turned out normal again in facebook. Not for so long, though.
A few months ago, there was this incident in the office. I was not involved but my friends from the same corps were. The incident became really ugly in and outside the office. Some disatisfied people badmouthed my friends in facebook and suddenly everybody who is somebody knows about the incident. I regretted how the incident had developed but again I didn't say a word. Responding to the endless threads seemed illogical to me. It only brought negativity to my real world. I was just sorry how some people didn't realize that the two worlds should be separated.
The burning incident seemed to cool down a bit as time went by. Or so I thought.
A few weeks ago there was another incident at the office (and I wonder why I still stay...). A disatisfied colleague vent out her anger in the office. When she didn't get the attention she desperately wanted, she wrote things in her status. Some people responded to her status, even those who didn't understand the issue at all!
I was confronted with a difficult decision: to respond or not to respond. I knew one of the people she wanted to aim at was me. She did mention my name twice in a room full of people after all. The words were formed in my head and I was just waiting for the trip to arrive home and then sit in front of the computer and typed the words. Words are my friends and facts are on my side, who is she to challenge me? The trip home suddenly felt very long. I couldn't wait to right the wrongs.
Finally I arrived home. Totally irritated.
The door opened and Hikari ran to me excitedly. He hugged me and took my hand inside the house. He showed me a new book from school and asked me to read it. After reading it for him for a few minutes, he kissed me and said he loved me. That time my head became very clear and my heart became very light. Who am I to decide how people should act?
That night I sat down in front of the computer light-hearted. The words in my friend's status were still burning and the comment space seemed inviting. It's not easy to keep quiet and refrain myself from defending myself. Especially if you know you do no wrong. It's not easy. But I did it anyway. Or, in this case, I didn't do it anyway.
It was suddenly very clear to my eyes the thin line between my real world and my facebook world. It is also clear to me that many people don't realize that. We are disatisfied with our own office and we wrote all of those negativities in our status. Everybody who is nobody to the office read our status. What for?
It's not easy to not get involved in the office-lit of facebook. It's not impossible, either.