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A-h, this is so classic. A working-out-of-home mother feels guilty because she cannot be with her children 24-7. I know for sure there are so many blogs that have discussed this, scientifically or personally. I don’t know which category mine belongs to. I don’t care. I just want to tell you that no matter how classic it is, the problem never seems to cease.

I thought after having a ‘long vacation’ from work would free me from the guilty feeling, but I was wrong. So wrong.

One week after I started working (and it is only four days a week, four hours a day plus 3 hours on the road), Hikari also began his long-gone-long-cured tantrums. Then he wouldn’t let me out of his sight for a sec. He also started to ask me do thing for him like putting on his clothes, feeding him, etc. I don’t mind, really, except for his new-be-dependent habit. I mean I’d missed him too. As soon as I stepped in the house and saw his longing face, I forgot being exhausted and worn out. I think a mother doesn’t have the privilege to feel exhausted, sad, worn out, drained, sleepy, anyting except being happy and cheerful all the time. The second week I worked, he fell sick. His flu and cold that he got two days after arriving in Jakarta haven’t cured yet, now he is throwing up, having an abdominal pain, and minor diarrhea. As if his sickness hadn’t made me felt guiltier and more panicky, everyone around blames me for what is happening. Now, I say this is really a mother’s privilege!

While working (now, out of home) is still something that I MUST do for survival, I haven’t been able to put aside the guilty feeling. At the same time, I know I am not alone because there are million of mothers all over the planet feel the same way, still it doesn’t cheer me up.

I’m just wondering if fathers are also blessed with this kind of feeling…