Pages of Mariskova

Minggu malam di toko AceH dekat rumah. Saya dan Papap sedang berbelanja. Papap mencari cover stir mobil baru untuk mengganti cover yang lama. Begitu masuk toko, Papap langsung menarik tangan saya sementara kaki saya tadinya berniat melangkah ke arah yang lain.
"Jangan kemana-mana dulu. Kan kamu yang pake mobilnya jadi kamu ikut milih."
Kami ke rak peralatan mobil. Ketemu bendanya.
"Yang mana?"
"Gak ada yang cakep."
"Namanya juga stir."
Saya mikir. Iya juga sih.
"Yang abu-abu ini aja ya?"
"Gak mau. Banyak tonjolannya. Pegel."
"Yang ijo?"
"Gak mau. Norak."
"Yang coklat?"
"Itu lebih norak."
"Ya udah kalo gitu yang ijo." Papap berdiri bertolak pinggang mengagumi rak itu.
Saya menyerah berkomentar. Gak penting juga lagian.
"Yah, harganya 30 ribu!" seru Papap.
"Kenapa? Kemahalan?" tanya saya gak ngerti.
"Enggak. Aku gak bawa cash. Malu kalo pake card cuma bayar 30 ribu. Kamu belanja lagi deh..."
Sebelum dia berubah pikiran, saya cepat-cepat melangkah ke tempat lain.

5 menit kemudian, saya mulai sibuk.
Papap juga masih sibuk.
20 menit. Saya masih sibuk.
Papap gak kelihatan lagi.
30 menit. Saya tetap sibuk.
Papap gak kelihatan.
Hampir 1 jam. Saya masih sibuk.
Papap gak kelihatan.
1 jam 30 menit. Saya selesai sibuk.
Papap gak kelihatan.
100 menit kemudian, saya berjalan dari ujung ke ujung.
Papap gak kelihatan.
Hampir 2 jam, saya masih berjalan dari ujung yang lain ke ujung yang lain.
Papap masih gak kelihatan.
2 jam, saya masih berjalan muter-muter.
Papap gak kelihatan dan saya dihampiri penjaga toko laki-laki yang sudah sejam memperhatikan saya.
"Ada yang bisa dibantu, Bu?"
"Ada."
Penjaga toko tersenyum manis. "Mencari apa?"
"Mencari suami saya."
Senyumnya langsung hilang.

Papap saya temukan sekitar 15 menit setelahnya, beserta selusin miss calls dari saya.
"Iya, hpnya di silent."
"Belanja apa?" tanya Papap.
Saya tunjukin tas plastik gede yang isinya penuh.
"WIH, banyak banget belanjanya?!" kata Papap kaget.
"LAH, tadi katanya disuruh belanja?!" jawab saya.

Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell.
People say they both are poles apart. Like heaven and hell.
One always praises, the other always critizes.
If you were one of those American idol participants, which judge would you choose to have?
You'd probably prefer to hear Paula's sweet praises, but everybody knows that Simon's praise worths 100x more than Paula's, Kara's, and Randy's all togehter. So, as a mentor, who worths more? Paula? Or Simon?

One of my job responsibilities at the office is to be a mentor for candidate teachers. Paula Abdul's figure reminds me of one of those points in "Mentoring for Dummies" guidebook.
According to that guidebook, a good mentor should be able to find 3 strengths of his/her trainee for 1 of that trainee's weakness. So, if I am to follow the procedure, everytime I want to critize my trainee, I have to mention his/her 3 strenghts first. Yeah, right. Easier said than done.

To be honest with you, being a Simon-Cowell-like mentor is by far more effective and efficient. Those trainees won't misunderstand, won't misinterprete the mentor's message. There is no non-sense. And most importantly, it saves a hell-lot of time.

But of course, everyone chooses to hear Paula-Abdul-kind of criticism, no matter how fake it might sound. The theory says people tend to have high anxiety and effective filter once they hear negative feedback. The result is obvious; they won't be able to learn from the feedback no matter how true it is if the feedback is in the form of Simon Cowell. Agree? Me, not quite.

I can be honest (and if all of my mentor friends want to be honest) with you, we would loooooooooovveee to be Simon once in awhile. Especially when we meet those stubborn trainees who see themselves too highly. On the other side, when we meet really aggreable trainees -no matter how weak they are- we don't need to unleash the Simon-type of personality in us.

So, here, I just want to give some tips to all candidate teachers who will face their mentoring sessions. You can print these tips and memorize them, especially if you will become my trainee.

1. Lesson no# 1 when you become a candidate teacher is MIND YOUR MANNER. Acting like you are (or convinced you will be) the greatest teacher in the world won't do you any good since you're talking to a teacher with more experiences in terms of years and techniques. So, feet on earth!

2. Almost the same as no# 1, MIND YOUR ATTITUDE. You might have different opinions from your mentor just as the AI participants have theirs from the judges. Respect the comments, though. They are valuable inputs anyway. And people too often look into the mirror instead of looking out ouf the window. Telling your mentor that his/her judgement is wrong will only put a big green on his/her face. My face, anyway. Other mentors won't be so forgiving. They might just fail you and that's the end of your teaching career. It might be a blessing in disguise, though.

3. When you are training to be a teacher, ACT LIKE A TEACHER. And of course, think like one too. Imagine yourself singing in American Idol with body language showing that you are there for trial session. You really think the audience (never mind the judges) will be so forgiving? They won't, of course, neither the students you are teaching. Standing in front of the students with some attitude demonstrating that you are there only to practice will only mean the end of your dignified life. The students will have a great time humiliating you. And, the mentor will be there never to save you.

4. When things go wrong in and outside the classroom and you are too stressfully edgy to think of something else, FORGET the urge to BE A DRAMA QUEEN. The class is not even your real class, the students are not your students! They are somebody else's. They will forget you soon. So, crying, screaming, fainting, darting out of the classrom (not necessarily in that order) just won't work. It won't work with most mentors. It won't work especially with me.

5. KEEP YOUR DISTANCE is probably my most controversial tip. Most mentors are friendly. I know I am. But thinking, suggesting, demonstrating that you are your mentor's best friend after one mentoring session can be very dangerous. We, mentors, like to keep our distance from our trainees so we can keep being objective. We don't like to have feelings. Feelings complicate things. So, at this point, be civil to each other is enough. Later when you have become a fully certified teacher, you are welcome to address your mentor by his/her nickname. I know I do. I'm not sure about most mentors, though.

Okay, then. Five tips for now.
As you can see being a mentor is not an easy job, with or without the camera. Being Paula Abdul is not easy either. Under her motherly look and loving smile, she probably is clenching her fist. Next to her, Simon is probably having the time of his life. Being him is so relieving, so... free. You might want to try it sometimes. The bonus is you could be more than a mentor to your trainee. You could be his/her guru kehidupan, too.

(If you jumble the word mentors, and rearrange it, you'll get a monster. LOL)

Saya paling sebal sakit flu. Sebal karena sakit flu itu sakit setengah-setengah. Dibilang sakit, tapi enggak cukup sakit untuk bisa minta surat dokter. Dibilang gak sakit, tapi badan meriang kepala nyut-nyutan dan hidung meler terus. Bikin urusan kantor jadi gak sedap karena badan gak sedap.

Gara-gara nonton American Idol sambil sibuk buang ingus, saya jadi bisa berempati pada juri-juri AI, terutama kepada si Simon Cowell. Simon yang paling dibenci tapi komentarnya paling ditunggu itu selalu terlihat kesal setiap kali peserta AI tampil setengah-setengah. Saya rasa dia kesal karena pengen mendepak mereka, tapi mereka punya suara bagus, enggak didepak tapi penampilannya gitu-gitu aja. Peserta AI itu selalu bilang kalau "I have done my best" dan selalu ditimpali pandangan "But your best is not enough" oleh Simon.

Bukan cuma Simon Cowell yang sebal dengan peserta setengah-setengah itu. Saya juga kesal dengan yang setengah-setengah.
Kerja setengah-setengah.
Janji setengah-setengah.
Niat setengah-setengah.
Mikir setengah-setengah.
Ngomong setengah-setengah.
Ada gak setengah orang?

Karena falsafah anti setengah-setengah itu saya lalu menghentikan pekerjaan saya: menulis novel ketiga.
Daripada hasilnya setengah jelek, lebih baik saya tunda dulu.
Iya kan?

-berganti ke posisi yoga dan mulai... tidur-

Bangun pagi (atau dibangunin pagi-pagi) di pagi tanggal 8, Hikari dan Papap memberi saya kue ulang tahun...


Setelah itu, Papap ngebengkel...


Selesai ngebengkel, Papap dan Hikari berteriak-teriak, "Mama, ini kadonya, ini kadonya!"


Setelah itu, Hikari yang kedatangan saudara-saudara precilnya, menghilang di kamar. Tidak lupa dia menulis...


Untungnya hari itu saya ber-facebooking. Senangnya melihat banyak ucapan selamat... Terima kasih ya temans!

Pukul 00:05 tanggal 8 Maret, Papap menyempatkan diri bangun dari kasur empuknya dan berseru-seru aneh menghampiri saya yang sedang maen komputer.
"Selamat ulang tahun! Selamat ulang tahun, Mamakuuuuuu!"
Papap mencium pipi saya dan memeluk saya.
"Selamat ulang tahuuuuuuuunnnn!"
Saya tersenyum. Alhamdulillah dia gak lupa.
"Selamat ulang tahuuun yang ke tiga limaaaaaaaaa, Mamakuuuu!"

Hah? 35? Busyet!

"Babeeeeeeeeeee, umur gue belom setua itu!!!"

Si Papap cepat-cepat merevisi. Saya terlanjur cemberut.
Akhirnya, kata Papap...
"Besok aku kasih bunga yaaaaaa...."
Saya mulai luluh.
"Bunga? Tumben. Bunga apa?"
"Bunga mawar."
Saya luluh beneran.
"Serius?"
Papap mengangguk mantap.
"Iya. Kan di halaman depan ada pohon mawar yang baru berkembang..."

Hah? Ya Allaaaaaaaaaahhhh........
Itu mawar gue yang beli, gue yang tanam, gue yang nyiramin, gue yang pupuk, gue yang pelihara, masa' jadi kado ultah gue juga???

ps: untuk Nenek, tersayang, I read your post. I promise I will go see the doctor. Gosh, you really made me cry reading your post. Thank you, honey!

The four of us were in this gathering. At first, we were just talking about people we knew. Then we mentioned several names who at present were expecting their baby. The conversation grew.
"Oh, ya? So, this is her third?"
A surprise comment from at least the two of us. It turned out that having 3 children these days is considered a risky business...
"I definitely have settled with 2. I cannot imagine having another one," sighed one of us.
Then, one person asked me.
"How about you? When are you having the next one?"
That question actually honestly sounded normal in my ears. Besides, I've been getting used to it.
"Not sure. Not really important."
Then we both giggled.

Suddenly, one person said it in a really serious preaching tone.
"You must not have only one child!"
I was pinched.
"Why not?"
"It's too much for the kid to handle, not having a sibling."
"My son is doing just fine without one. Thank you."
"But, you just cannot do that!"
"Who said I can't?"
"With siblings, a child learns how to share."
"Well, if you are worried if my son cannot share... why can't we gather all of our kids and then watch for yourself if MY SON CANNOT SHARE?"
"BUT, having siblings means a child learns to exercise his feelings of caring, loving..."
"My son is a caring loving person, with or without a sibling."
"BUT, if you only have one child, you have to really treat him well, educate him well, nurture him well..."
"SO YOU ARE SAYING if you have MORE than one child you are allowed NOT to treat them well?"
"BUT... but..."
"So," I asked her in the eyes, "why don't you have a boy? You only have two daughters, right? Why don't you have another baby, and then another, and then another, until you get a boy?"
She blinked. "Don't start asking me that question..."
"Sorry! You did it first."
I walked away.

You know, guys, I could have just walked away pretending -no, ignoring- your whydontyouhavemorechildren question. Usually, I do just walk away. But, you just didn't let me. Besides, did it ever cross your mind that I lost my second several months ago?